Archive for May, 2006

Posted on May 31st, 2006

Many of you "think" your stressful life is the consequence of external events beyond your control that impinge on you and force you to make undesirable choices. In that light you may complain about and feel helpless in the midst of this onslaught of pressures and expectations.

Unfortunately the belief itself that the problem exists "out there" is also stressful isn’t it? That is because it leaves you, as I said feeling like a helpless victim.

Well you might say here that it is not the belief that makes you feel helpless rather the situation, correct? So convinced by this you do whatever you can to either control or adapt to the situation to reduce the stress you may be experiencing.

When you look at the effort you make to control or adapt to the situation you will notice, I feel, that it in itself is also stressful, is it not? So are you feeling like you are really making any progress in dealing with your stress? I’ll leave that for you to contemplate.

I would like to draw your attention to an example that will hopefully illustrate the fact that all stress is in fact internally generated by your repertoire of unconsciously held beliefs. Beliefs that you have been conditioned and/or programmed with from the time you were conceived (and perhaps earlier).

Suppose you are in a hurry to get to a meeting and you happen to take an off ramp to a highway that leaves you stuck in a severe traffic jam. You find yourself miles from your meeting and there is a fear that you will likely be late for this very important meeting.

The stress reaction is largely a mental/emotional/physical reaction that you experience as: frustration, annoyance, anger, confusion, a drain on your energy, physical tension, desperation, feelings of helplessness and so on.

What inside you is driving all of this?

Well it’s the fear.

What is driving the fear?

The belief of the consequences to you of being late which go something like this:

I’m going to lose the account, hence,

I’m not going to make my sales figures this month, hence,

I’m not going to get my bonus, hence

I’m going to be cash strapped and won’t be able to make my rental payments, hence,

I’m going to lose my apartment, hence,

The quality of my life is going to deteriorate.

So in other words the underlying belief is that:

(A) If I’m late the quality of my life will be severely negatively impacted.

Now how does that make you feel? Well stressed of course?

I would like to show you that not only are you able to diffuse that belief and its effects on you but by doing so also show you that it is the cause of the stress in the first place.

Here we go.

What is the usefulness to you of believing statement (A) above?

Well you might say that it is supposed to:

1. Make you plan your time and life well so that,

2. You will be conscientious, responsible, efficient, so that,

3. You will make your meetings on time, so that,

4. You will make a good impression with your clients, so that,

5. You will make your accounts and sales figures, so that,

6. You will be successful, so that,

7. You will feel successful, happy, in control of your life, safe, secure, and at peace.

In other words if we summarize what has been said we have:

(B) The belief that "If I’m late the quality of my life will be severely negatively impacted" makes me feel successful, happy, in control of my life, safe, secure, and at peace.

Does that feel true to you?

Well if you notice how statement (A):

"If I’m late the quality of my life will be severely negatively impacted"

actually makes you feel you will notice most or all of: anxiety, fear, frustration, helplessness, annoyance, anger, tension, powerlessness and so on.

I’m sure that in this experience there are no feelings of success, peace, happiness, safety or security, much less a sense of being in control.

Hence that makes statement (B) false doesn’t it?

That may come as a surprise to you as you likely thought that it was true earlier didn’t you?

If you’re with me so far simply acknowledge to yourself that (B) is false and then notice how you feel.

The next time you find yourself in a situation of the kind I described above notice how you feel. You may be surprised that your reaction will be a significantly different one.

What we have just attempted to do is to "de-program" you from the unhealthy habitual ways in which you have been accustomed to running your life. It is such unconsciously held beliefs that limit your repertoire of responses to a situation and this then manifests as feelings of stress.

If you would like to become fully conscious and the master of your entire life then kindly visit me at the web link below.

Dr. Nick Arrizza is trained in Chemical Engineering, Business Management & Leadership, Medicine and Psychiatry. He is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Key Note Speaker,Editor of a New Ezine Called "Spirituality And Science" (which is requesting high quality article submissions) Author of "Esteem for the Self: A Manual for Personal Transformation" (available in ebook format on his web site), Stress Management Coach, Peak Performance Coach & Energy Medicine Researcher, Specializes in Life and Executive Performance Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being by helping to permanently release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories. He holds live workshops, international telephone coaching sessions and international teleconference workshops on Physical. Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Well Being.

Business URL #1:

Posted on May 31st, 2006

Anxiety or stress is state of uneasiness and apprehension. Life transitions, such as moving, job change, marriage, or the birth of a child, often account for much of the psychological pressure and consequently, anxiety.

Usually known as "anxiety disorders" – the essential characteristic of ‘Anxiety disorder’ and stress is excessive uncontrollable worry about everyday things. This constant worry affects daily functioning and can cause physical symptoms and stress. Most of the people dislike the word, and don’t like to talk much about it. The name is not important. What’s important is learning how to manage your anxiety and stress factor so that it doesn’t disrupt your life.

Anxiety problems do have solutions.

So, if you can, check your pessimism you shall be able to get over your anxiety. Develop a plan and begin working at it. In general, I think everyone with anxiety problems can benefit by reviewing "First Steps", even if you’ve been working at recovery for a while, just to make sure you haven’t missed anything. Remember, recovery is best attained not by being fast, but by being thorough!

Prior to looking for treatment, it is important to understand what type of anxiety you may have and what the potential causes are for your anxiety. There are many different options available if you are in the action planning stages of finding a treatment program. Gathering information, as you are doing on this website is a very important part of any treatment program.

Some of the treatments for anxiety disorders include:
• Learning about anxiety
• Relaxation techniques
• Correct breathing techniques
• Cognitive therapy
• Behaviour therapy
• Dietary adjustments
• Exercise
• Learning to be assertive
• Building self-esteem
• Structured problem solving
• Medication.

Anxiety treatment options can be broken into various groups that include:
• Alternative Medicine
• Mental Health Therapy
• Prescription Medications

Things to remember
• Anxiety disorders can affect a person’s ability to work, study and participate in other activities.
• Recovery is possible with the appropriate treatment.

For Self-help techniques see my website

Now you can cure anxiety and stress yourself by following some simple methods. See my websites on anxiety and their cure;

Posted on May 30th, 2006

Ready? Set? GO!

Another crazy day has begun. Once again, you find yourself stressed to the point of pulling your hair out, or maybe crying.

What’s happening inside your body right now? Why do you feel so lousy?

Well, when you start stressing out, the first thing that happens physically is that you stop breathing properly. You won’t drop dead (not from lack of breathing, anyway), because the body still remembers it has to breathe a bit in order to survive, but your breathing becomes shallow.

Now, the problem with that is that breathing brings oxygen into the body, and oxygen is the body’s source of energy. When you don’t breathe enough, you have no energy, and the body’s functions suffer.

Stress also hurts your immune system: when your breathing isn’t quite as deep as may be desired, there is less movement in the chest area (less breathing means less movement of the lungs and diaphragm), and the thymus gland, which has a big role in the immune system, gets massaged less. While you may be quite able to live without getting a massage every day, your thymus gland is not. So when you are stressed over large periods of time, your immune system is weakened, and a weak immune system has a hard time keeping you healthy.

Also, when you’re stressed, the body starts producing stress hormones. That is very nice, of course, except for the fact that the manufacturing of these hormones takes up resources that would otherwise be used to make other kinds of hormones. Sometimes it can be sex hormones, for instance, and then people find that their periods have lost their regularity (women, usually), or that they’ve become impotent (men). The manufacturing of other kinds of hormones is, of course, also affected by the mass production of stress hormones.

Stress also creates energetic blockings in and around your body. In times of stress, the chakras close down and meridians are blocked. There is no flow of energy around the body, no renewal of energy. And when there is no renewal there is deterioration, because energy doesn’t sit around waiting, it flows, moves on to other places. So you end up with no energy, feeling down.

So, what can you do about it?

First and foremost, you should be aware of it. Then, do something about it.

You can start by taking deeper breaths whenever you remember to. This will help with immediate relief, and give your body some of the oxygen it’s been craving.

You can continue by learning to manage stress. You will find an abundance of ways and techniques that teach stress management. Pick one that you find suitable and go with it. It just might help you restore your peace of mind and your health. Good luck!

Copyright 2005 by Dvora Ifat and Shunit Ben-Tzvi

Dvora Ifat and Shunit Ben-Tzvi are co-authors of "No Stress! How to Save Tons of Money on Shrinks and Doctors - Just by Reducing Stress!", a web authority on stress management and relief.

Posted on May 30th, 2006

It was a self-exploration that made me understand myself. It was like discovering the one last elusive word in a jigsaw puzzle that completes other words.

I had to interview Father Francis Chittilappilly, Executive Director of BOSCO - an organization in Gandhi Nagar in Bangalore that provides succor to street children. I thought I would get it over with in an hour and then attend to the endless list of to-do that I keep in my handbag.

As I waited for Father, I watched the children in tattered clothes, picked up from the city railway station. These destitute children, who had run away from home, were generally rag-pickers. Their irrepressible enthusiasm and energy despite what life had doled out to them was remarkable. My mood, heavy with the incidents of the past few days, lifted considerably.

Father Francis came after a while, apologized and ushered me in to his office. He started telling me about what his organization was doing for the unfortunate children forsaken by the society. As he narrated several stories one-by-one, his eyes would soften; sometimes light up, only to be clouded by thoughts of the enormity and intractability of the problem.

I saw his assistants talk to the children, get their whereabouts, understand their grievances and advise them accordingly. In some cases the children refused to divulge any information, lest they sent them back to their families they had run away from. In such cases, father would call them in, talk tactfully and win their confidence. There were difficult situations when he had to play confidence-trick, as some of the hardened teenagers would smoothly fib their way through.

Father related to me the case of a ‘hyperactive’ girl, suffering from malfunctioning of thyroid glands, who had strayed away from her parents while travelling. She could not comprehend any question put to her. Father had to intervene; he made her draw, which in itself was no mean achievement, considering she could not be pinned down in a place. He had immense patience and with his power of persuasion he could extricate bits of unrelated information about her family, which he later pieced together. He later rang up her parents who promptly picked her up.

Father was a trained counselor. Our discussions increasingly revolved round ethics, sensitivity, savoir-faire… and I was drawing parallels in my mind about my own experiences. Before long I started telling him about my problems. He could see I was distressed; he gently made me probe into myself with ‘why do you think so’ or ‘can it be’. He offered no reasoning, no answers: just his ears, his smile, his love. I was pouring out my childhood and adolescent experiences, dilemmas and questions, analyzing rationales, motives and hidden agenda.

I finally stopped. I was calm.

It was catharsis. I had found all the answers I needed to.

Often we are the problems and we are the solutions too.

It just needs someone who can listen patiently to make us heed to our own inner voice of reason.

Uma Shankari is a Bangalore-based freelance journalist, passionaately interested in societal and self-development issues

Posted on May 29th, 2006

How many people have you met that do not know what it feels like to be stressed?

Do you even need two hands to count them on?

Since you probably don’t need two hands, and since you are probably familiar with stress yourself, here are the top eight things you can do, or do more of, to deal with stress:

1. Go for a run. Or a walk. Or go swimming, or boxing, or do some other physical activity. Exercise is good for you on four different levels:

a. It will get a large chunk of the accumulated stress out of your system.

b. If your physical activity is outdoorsy, it allows you to get some air and to take a break.

c. Exercise releases endorphins, which make you feel better, happier. It’s sort of a natural high, really.

d. You’ll be fitter and better looking - always a plus!

2. Find a person you can share your troubles with - most of your friends are not the kind you can share your troubles with, but rather people with whom you can talk about lighter matters. There are probably only one or two friends with whom you can really talk about everything. So share with them - talking about it will ease your burden.

3. Be in the company of friends and acquaintances - not for sharing, like in #2, but just for the company. You know, have fun. It will make life better, and it will also distract you from your troubles.

4. Find a hobby. Whether it’s arts or crafts, biking, fishing, or any other hobby you can think of, focusing on something you like to do takes your mind off your troubles, and allows you to relax. You can’t work all day long.

5. Set an appointed time for the above activities, so they don’t get pushed aside by "more important things", stressful things. Monday and Friday evening can be dedicated to some kind of sport. Tuesday afternoons might be your time for painting. Saturday night can be the time all the gang goes out to play pool. Just make sure you set a time for doing the things that make you feel good, and don’t let your "duties" push them aside.

6. Take a deep breath. Now do it again. When you are stressed, your breathing becomes shallow. The moment you take a deep breath, however, you feel better. Remember: breathe. Breath is life.

7. Put on some music. It doesn’t have to be classic music, although it can be if you like it. Just listen to music that makes you feel good, that relaxes you. Happy, quiet or classic music can do wonders. Heavy metal, though, is not relaxing music, no matter what you think and no matter what your taste in music is.

8. Find a distraction from life that makes you feel good - it could be a movie or a book, for instance. That takes your mind off things, takes you into different worlds, allowing the body and the mind time to relax.

There you have it. If you are stressed, you’re probably not doing these eight things enough.

Stress can be dealt with when you know how. Use the above tips to deal with your stress. They can work wonders!

Copyright 2005 Dvora Ifat and Shunit Ben-Tzvi

Dvora Ifat and Shunit Ben-Tzvi are co-authors of "No Stress! How to Save Tons of Money on Shrinks and Doctors - Just by Reducing Stress!", a web authority on stress management and relief.

Posted on May 29th, 2006

What would it be like to drive to your next destination looking only through the rear view mirror. What would be the chances of getting safely to your destination?

Answer: slim and none.

If that’s true, then I’ve got just one more question for you:

“Why do we try to live our lives that way?”

Alright, I admit I sort of set you up there, didn’t I?

If you can forgive me, then consider just how often we attempt to “drive” our lives looking through the rear view mirror, wondering why we keep getting into various “wrecks.”

At this point you might be thinking, “some people try to live this way, but I certainly don’t.”


Before you dismiss the possibility, consider some of the signs of what I call “Rear View Living.”

With a nod to comedian Jeff Foxworthy, you might be a “rear view-er” if:

you ever catch your self saying or thinking “If only…………”

you believe the best times of your life have already happened

you long for “the good old days.” Will Rogers said “Things ain’t what they used to be and probably never was."

your motto is “I wish I woulda-could-shoulda”

you believe with all your heart that “what might have been, would have been”

your favorite cartoon as a kid was “Rocky & Bullwinkle” which featured the words “Sherman, set the way back machine for…………..”

you feel chronically sad or depressed

you tell people younger than you “these are the best times of your life”

you actually believe it’s too late to change anything.

One objection I often hear at this point is that I have just swung a very wide net. In other words, just about every one has said, thought, or felt at least one, if not all, of the signs above.

That’s my point! We all do some “rear viewing” from time to time.

Another objection is the saying “those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it.” While I do believe that to be true, it’s just as true that “those who focus only on the past are just as likely to repeat it.”

Now let’s shift our focus, and identify some key strategies for living life “looking through the windshield.”

realize that much like the saying “we each have been given one mouth and two ears, to be used in proportion,” there is a very good reason that cars are built with the windshield much larger than the rear view mirror. Hint: “to be used in proportion.”

do two very simple, yet very powerful things with the past:

1. make a place for it. The past did happen, and acting like it didn’t sets you up to be surprised when the past comes back to bite you on the butt someday

2. put it in it’s place, which is behind you. Much like a chapter in a book you once read, and don’t care to read again.

give up our belief in the cliche that “time heals all wounds.” Oh bull! Time is simply neutral. I’ve worked with people who experienced severe trauma and are doing well in a relatively short amount of time. I’ve also worked with people who experienced virtually the same trauma many years ago and still feel as if it happened yesterday. All time does is pass. What we do while time passes is the difference that makes the difference.

install these two keys beliefs in your life:

1. “Of course we can’t change history, but only the part that’s in the past. It’s the history we’re making that interests me.” -

2. “The best way to predict the future is to create it”

Whether we live a “rear view mirror life” or a “windshield life” is up to us. It’s simply a matter of choice and shifting focus.

Visit for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on May 28th, 2006

A force applied with strength to extreme or beyond the capacity is stress. Application of stress is in order to sustain, defend, defeat, or achieve the objective. A stress has both negative and positive impacts that lead to strain. The consequence of stress is strain that means the disturbances resulted due to stress imbalances the arrangement. Continuous stress in one stage increases the capacity and makes powerful on the other hand disturbs internal structure and damages it. A stress applied physically leads to physical strain and if mental gives mental strain. Strain is a sort of pain caused by the disturbances.

Whether physical or mental that disturbs smooth going deteriorates formation. It is like an elastic tape, which is stretchable but has limit to it, trying to stretch over the limitation would only damage the tape. In one way, strain and stress are same, begins from stress, and ends at strain. Thus, the stress is stretch and strain is pain or the outcome. Finally, we call in normal language is “stress” penetrated deep into our human society killing each of us

Stress: Is a stage of blankness within self, led by confusion, frustration, aggravation, irritation, competition, and dissatisfaction. A reason of frustration etc is failure to resist, defend, or defeat. The stress is a result of conflict between two forces that are environment and the self.

The external and the internal forces are two opposite features and related to each other. One is to attract and the other one to react and act. However, when internal force becomes weaker to external force, the inability that we face creates the stress due to strain resulted by helplessness. The external force is also a creation by us to live with it through our ambitions, desires, and the activities etc. The external force is the environment or what we call is the situation that attracts us to react. The reaction when fails to match despite the efforts and deep involvement makes us desperate and we fail to go with it. Internal force is our own self, the personality.

Our personality is always ahead of us that influence us to act according to its requirements and desires. Our brain and body as tool act to fulfill the directions. The process of direction and action is through the chemical reactions in the body. Success and failure are the reaction of chemical substance that cheers us up during success and sadden when fail. Our brain cells too get confused during the act, due to extreme involvement towards the goal whether for happiness or sadness. The brain fails to act in its extreme functioning as the machinery in its extreme overheats and collapses. We can sense this situation when we find ourselves in vacuum and nothingness. Is a confused position or stressed and to overcome the situation we have to forget what we intended in our mind and relax until cools down.

To read more Link to this article:

Posted on May 28th, 2006

Have you ever listened to someone, perhaps even to your self, talk about being worried? You’ll hear things like, “I’m so worried”, “I’m worried sick”, or as my mom used to tell me, “You worry me to death!”

Certainly makes worry sound like a very powerful force, doesn’t it? And as a matter of fact, it is. Worry can make us sick, and in it’s most extreme form, it can kill us.

Then why in the world do we do this thing called worry? For some people, it’s simply become an emotional habit that they no longer think about. “I come from a family of worriers”, as if it’s a genetic feature like eye color. For others, it’s how to show you care about someone. “If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t worry”, as if worry is a form of love someone would want to receive.

Here’s what happens when we worry: because our brain cannot tell the difference between reality and a vividly imagined picture (worry), we respond the same way emotionally. So when we worry, our brains have gone into the future and created a vivid living color picture of our worry, and then our emotions, and even our physiology, rush up to match the picture.

Here’s a little experiment that will clearly show what I mean. Picture yourself at home in your kitchen, and then walking over to the refrigerator and pulling out a great big juicy lemon. Take it over to the counter, cut it in half, smell the juice and feel the juice on your fingers. Now cut one of the halves in half. More juice, more smell. Now cut a slice from one of the sections. More juice, more smell. Now bring that slice up to your nose and take a sniff. Then, finally, take a big bite of the lemon.

If your are like most folks, your mouth is watering now, and you may even be puckering up a bit too. Here’s the important thing to notice for our purposes: there is no lemon. You vividly imagined, with my guidance, a picture that caused a physiological response in your body. Remember, there is no lemon.

And so it is when we worry.

So that leaves us with a couple of choices when we worry: we can get an ulcer or we can get moving. Let’s take a closer look at each of these options.

How to Get an Ulcer

Worry. A lot. Raise it to an art form. Make sure to worry about things you can do nothing about. Or if you are worried about things you can do something about, be sure not to do anything about it. Let your worry cause you to live all your moments in the future, missing the present of the present. Become a “what-if person”: you know, “what if this happens, what if that happens…..”

How to Get Moving

Make a distinction between worry and concern. Worry freezes you, concern motivates you. Allow your worry and concern to motivate you to plan for the future. Remember, the best way to predict the future is to create as much of it as you can.

Pray. A lot.

Since worry is really nothing more than using our imagination in a negative way, turn the process on it’s head. Instead of vividly imagining the worst possible outcome, switch to vividly imagining the best possible outcome, and/or the outcome you would like to have happen.

I’ve saved the best for last. The best cure that I know for worry is to TAKE ACTION! Create a plan, plan for the future, do every thing you can to prevent the negative outcomes you don’t want and do every thing you can to get the positive outcomes you do want.

The neat thing here is that if you do all the above suggestions to get moving, you won’t have time or space in your brain to worry. And my guess is you will enjoy life much more.

Thanks for reading, and keep the change.

Visit for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on May 27th, 2006

We all experience some stress in our lives every day, but if you find yourself worrying so much that you’re losing sleep and having a hard time concentrating at work, then it is time you took action. Worry and fear are powerful emotions, and if left untreated they can often lead to anxiety and even depression.

The first thing to remember is that just as a seed cannot grow without soil and water to nourish it, your anxiety cannot grow without you feeding it. Anxiety is caused by an intense fear or worry about a possible outcome. These are the thoughts that are running unchecked through your head. The only way to control your anxiety is by controlling your thoughts.

You can begin by thinking back to other times when you worried about something. Did the fear come true or was the worry groundless? How much time have you wasted agonizing over something that never came about? It’s okay to have a little anxiety, everyone does. It’s when the worry begins to control your life that it has become a serious problem.

Worry has never solved anything. Because worry is a form of fear and intense fear can paralyze us, anxiety can actually make us fear making a decision and prevents us from solving the problem. Instead, we just keep running the same negative possible outcome over and over through our heads. Our fear actually creates additional fear.

If there is something wrong, then you need to focus on fixing it instead of worrying about it. If it can’t be fixed, then worrying about what might happen tomorrow accomplishes nothing except spoiling today. Worry on its own has never fixed anything.

Anxiety can become a vicious cycle that feeds itself. The only way to overcome the anxiety is to overcome the fear, and this is accomplished by changing your thought process. Rather than having a mind full of fear, fill it with hope and favorable outcomes. Events seldom turn out as terrible or as wonderful as we imagine they will. Our thoughts tend to the extreme while life is usually somewhere in the middle.

Concentrate on the positives and when you feel any negativity creeping into your thought process, push it away and go back to the positives. It is like a tug-of-war, either you control your anxiety or your anxiety will control you. Start with small issues and work your way up to larger ones, always picturing a positive outcome. Once you can keep these positive results in mind, you then need to begin taking positive action to make them come about. The cure for anxiety begins as a thought and then works its way into a positive action.

If you are carrying around a lot of worries, you need to either let some of them go or get yourself bigger shoulders.

Gary Mosher is co-author of the award-winning ‘Buddha in the Boardroom’, the business book that shows you how to excel in today’s chaotic and stressful workplace environment, available from Bodhi Tree Publishing, LLC at

Posted on May 27th, 2006

“Hell begins the day that God grants you the vision to see all that you could have done, should have done, and would have done, but did not do.” - Goethe

Remember the saying “the road to hell is paved with good intentions?” The road to the kind of regret and hell described above is paved with two roadblocks to success: putting off and putting on.

Let’s take a look at these roadblocks and what to do about them.

Putting Off

Sing along with me, if you will (to the tune of Carly Simon’s “Anticipation”):

“Procrastination, procrastination, Is making me ache It’s keeping me failin’.”

Putting things off, or procrastination, is the most common roadblock to success. Yet we do it to ourselves.

Here’s a partial list of the damage wrought by putting things off:

makes small tasks seem large or insurmountable

makes short tasks time consuming

deludes us into what I call “someday thinking.” Someday I’ll…………….(fill in the blank)

causes us to feel overwhelmed

creates an almost constant state of panic

major source of debilitating stress

fools us into actually believing “I’ll do it later.” NO YOU WON’T!

What to Do

Albert Einstein said “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.”

So I usually like to keep suggestions for change very simple and very useable. These next three ideas, however, are very psychologically complicated, so get ready:

1.Do it now!

2. Do the hard or unpleasant stuff first. This strategy has allowed me to get more done and have more free time than most people I know.

3. The next time you are tempted to put something off, just procrastinate about putting it off. “I’ll do this now, and procrastinate later.” Simply “put off” procrastinating. Procrastinate later, or not at all. In the psycholgy world, this is known as “prescribing the symptom.”

Now I realize that sounds so simple. I suppose I could complicate it for you, add a lot of psycho-babble, but why?

Putting On

“Putting on” is the tendency to lie to and fool ourselves. We basically put ourselves on.

There’s a curious defect in our make-up that I bet you’ve noticed. If we were cars, we’d have been recalled and re-designed. We each have the ability to twist our thinking around so much that we can justify anything, and convince ourselves that we are right.

Here’s a partial list of the damage wrought by “putting on”:

lie to ourselves and believe the lie

believe our ability to rationalize is a good thing, but….

take a look at the word rationalize: if we split the word, we get “rational lies.” And that’s basically what we do - tell lies that sound so rational, make so much sense, it’s easy to forget that we are simply fooling ourselves.

then we go off into the world and operate as if these “rational lies” were true. This sets us up for disappointment and frustration when the rest of the world, who aren’t in on our little drama, doesn’t cooperate with our perception of things.

What to Do

on a regular basis, question some of your own assumptions. Remember, to assume means to make an ass out of u and me.

check to make sure your thinking makes sense. How? Two ways:

ask your self, “If someone were telling me what I’m telling myself, what would I think?”

ask people who know you well to check out your thinking. Be brave enough to ask, “Does this make sense?”

There are enough roadblocks to success without creating our own with the deadly duo of putting off and putting on. Just one more quote to wrap this up, and then I’m outta here:

“The pain of discipline is always less than the pain of regret.”

Visit for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

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