Posted on Jun 23rd, 2006

You know something’s gotta change.

You feel stuck, like nothing’s budging, even when you know you have to change. You even want it to change, for goodness sake - but that doesn’t make it change.

(Got something in your life like this? A habit, a vice, a pattern, a relationship, a way you work, a way you eat, anything? Thought so.)

It’s not that you don’t understand the problem - you do. It’s not that you don’t see how your thinking has been off - you do. It’s not that you don’t see the solution, and how much sense it makes - you do.

Even though it makes perfect sense to follow the logical course of action, you don’t.

Are you dense? Of course not. Because there have been plenty of times that you’ve been helped to see the reasoning and logic of a situation, and you made the shift you needed to make. This just isn’t one of those times.

So why haven’t you changed? Simple - it’s because despite the logic, it just doesn’t feel right to surrender it yet. And no formula, process, or checklist is going to override that feeling.

So how do you change the feeling? You don’t. Because you can’t change how you feel about something as easily as you change your socks. But, how you feel about the situation may change on its own once your needs are being met.

Needs? What’s this got to do with needs? Everything, beloved. When your needs are being met, you are in a greater space of trust, and therefore, choice. When you feel as if your needs are not being met, your trust that "it’ll all work out" gets tossed out the window, and your sense of the options available to you starts to shrink.

If you feel as if your needs aren’t being met, even the most logical steps can’t be taken.

So, what is it that you need? Sometimes, it’s to feel heard. Or held. Or seen. Maybe your needs for safety, appreciation, freedom, respect, aren’t being met.

Example: I recently had the opportunity to work with someone who felt incredibly stuck in her situation. Someone tried to help her change by showing her where her thought process was faulty, and how she was stuck in her interpretation of the situation. Didn’t help. In fact, all it did was piss her off, and make her feel even more isolated.

When I sat down with her, I didn’t know what to do right away. But it soon became clear that it wasn’t about logic, and it wasn’t about choice. She was afraid, bottom line. And the only thing that was going to penetrate that wall of fear… was love.

When we saw that what she needed was to be held, it was like lightning - all of her pain broke open, and for the first time in a long time, she could feel the presence of God holding her. At that point, I didn’t have to help her shift anything - she felt the love and compassion she needed, and her "stuck-ness" softened immediately. From that point, new possibilities emerged, and she felt refreshed and hopeful again.

So how do you find (and get) what you need?

1) Feel where you are at. Frustration and all. It all starts by being honest with yourself about what you are feeling.

2) Set aside logic. If you could have figured your way through this already, you would have. And if you aren’t feeling as if your needs are being met, even the most straightforward solution will feel inaccessible. So for now, set aside sense-making and reasonable thinking.

3) Feel the No. (That one wasn’t hard, was it?) Now, engage it. Listen to it. Feel what it wants, what it believes is real, and what it says is going to happen if you go through with the change. The idea is get clear on what you need (or, what you feel is missing) in this situation.

4) Trust your instincts. Yes, you’ve got concerns. But you’ve also got a sincere yearning for Truth, Love, and all the things you know deep inside are waiting for you on the other side of this issue. This is the time to trust those instincts and value your needs. Then,

5) Connect to your heart. Tap into your connection to the Divine, using a practice called the Remembrance (repeating the name of God/The Divine/Spirit - however you relate to it, whatever name you use for it). As you feel your heart expand, let yourself receive whatever The Divine brings you around your needs.

The more you sit in your Remembrance and Divine connection, the more you’ll feel the Holy Answer to your request. Where before you were feeling as if your need wasn’t being/couldn’t be met, you’ve got some new Information now, and it’s streaming into your heart.

— A Word on Needs: Often times when you first connect with your needs, it seems as if what you are needing is something that you need from the world (another person, a situation, an environment, etc.). While that "outside" thing can become a part of the solution, as long as you think that your needs are being met by him/her/it, you’ll never find true certainty - because the thing you come to rely on is ephemeral, fleeting, and may disappear at some point.

If you see The Divine as the Source of getting your needs met, you’ll never be in lack again - because that Source can never run dry, is with you always, and can be accessed in an instant, through the connection in your heart.

(In the example I gave above, I didn’t hold my client physically; she got her holding from the presence of God. She later told me that physical touch does help her go inside, and yet it’s the God-connection that she knows does the trick.)

So if you find yourself seeking from the "outside", keep going, keep looking, and find the place of your true "need-i-ness" with The Divine. —

Now that change doesn’t feel impossible, see what this time of rebirth has come to offer you. From this place of connection, new possibilities can emerge. You may feel inspired to form a local support group, get involved in your community, create a Mastermind group to take your business forward, or devote time and energy to a relationship that needs it.

Maybe your needs for fun and excitement are the next ones to be fulfilled!

©2006 Adam Kayce. All Rights Reserved.

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