Archive for June, 2006

Posted on Jun 15th, 2006

1. Speak and honor your truth. One of the biggest problems, especially for women, is knowing when and how to say no. Many women are born with the need to please and deal with societal pressures to be superwoman. We must learn to say no when we mean no and yes when we truly mean yes. Our truth is a gift that we must honor. We all know when we are not honoring our truth because we feel it in our spirit. Live your life so that everything is a reflection of your truth.

2. Stop feeling obligated. So many times we maintain friendships and relationships out of obligation. We feel that we must remain part of a person’s life because of the length of time we have known them or what we have experienced together in the past. However, people change and you must acknowledge when a friendship is no longer beneficial and enriching. You can feel when someone is draining your life and energy. Then you must remove yourself from the equation. You must remember that you are allowing yourself to feel obligated and you are choosing to be obligated. You can also choose whom you give your time and energy too.

3. Use your faith. Understand that you need God and your faith to deal with the issues and problems that will arise in life. Then use your faith to help you endure. Our faith is like the fuel that keeps our spirits working efficiently. So everyday, read a bible verse and an inspirational message to keep your spirit replenished.

4. Get disciplined. We must lead by example. If we truly want to love our lives and keep depression and bad decisions at bay then we must become disciplined in all areas of our life. Discipline will help us have control over our life and our decisions.

5. Make a commitment. In my life I made a commitment to live a life I loved. That commitment requires me to look at life and people differently. In order to love my life, every decision I make, every friendship and relationship I have, and every opportunity I pursue must keep me on the path of loving my life. You must make a commitment to have your life stand and mean something. People should be able to see the God in you and want to know more about your joy and your life.

6. This too shall pass. We must understand that everything in life has a time, a season and a reason. Life itself is a process and people are a part of that process. When you understand life in these simple terms it gives you the ability to deal with life. No matter what you are dealing with in life, from an annoying coworker to a life-changing event, there is a simple truth that will prevail - this too shall pass.

7. No woe-is-me parties and no excuses. As a human being you will have moments in your life when you feel like saying, why me? There are also times when you will sit down with others and talk about the struggles and hardships of life. We must refuse to partake in the misery moments. You must refuse to give that negative energy power. And then you must stop blocking your own blessing and progress. Most likely if you are not receiving what you want out of life it is because you are blocking yourself in some way. The only person that can stop you from living your purpose and doing what God sent you here to do is you. In order to feel fulfilled in life, you must refuse to make excuses in your life and you must be an active participant in your life. You must do everything you can to keep your life progressing in a positive way.

8. Create a life plan. Make sure it has a time line and a deadline. Plan your life. This simple act will help you when obstacles and opportunities present themselves.

9. Take and make time for yourself. We must incorporate time for ourselves into our lives. Many times we become stressed and overworked because we are in a state of constantly giving. As spiritual people it is easy to understand why we want to be so giving. Yet we all must learn how to replenish and how to get restored. There are twenty-four hours provided in a day. Saying that you do not have time for yourself is an excuse. Not making time for yourself is a choice. So you must simply choose differently. Choose to give time to yourself and decide when and how you will take time for yourself.

10. Love your life. In the lowest moment of my life I adopted the slogan, Live a life you love! It was more than an affirmation. It was a goal I wanted to accomplish. I understood that this goal would alter my life, and it has in an amazing way. Once I committed to living a life I loved my decision-making changed. Suddenly I had to question whether I would look back on an opportunity and say I would have, I could have or I should have. I had to examine whether a decision would leave me with feelings of regret or accomplishment. I became more aware of my choices and my friendships.

We are all blessed with the ability to live a life we love. We must remember that it is a commitment that affects every area of our life, every decision that we make, and every person that we allow to be in our life. Everyone and everything in your life should be a reflection of the joy that is in your life.

Natasha Munson is the author of Life Lessons for My Sisters and Spiritual Lessons for My Sisters: How to Get Over The Drama and Live Your Best Life! (Hyperion May 2006). She is the owner of an online travel company, http://www.StarDiscountTravel.com More information about the author can be found at http://www.sisterlessons.com

Posted on Jun 15th, 2006

Have you ever noticed how we keep falling into the same holes and ruts in life? We know something doesn’t work and yet we keep doing the same things over and over again.

Have you ever wondered why we do this? And more importantly, how do we stop doing it, how do we stop “digging”? And how do we get out?

As I’ve studied and searched over the years for ways to help people get the changes they want, quickly, gently and effectively, I’ve stumbled across a poem that seems to capture well the process of change.

It’s called “An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters.” I wish I knew who the author is, I want to thank the person. Let’s look at each of these chapters, and what they have to teach us about the process of change.

Chapter One - “I walk down the road. There’s a big a hole in the road. I don’t see it. I fall in. It’s not my fault. It’s dark and scary. It takes me a long time to get out.”

We’ve all had the experience of winding up in a hole and wondering how we got there. It seems like we were minding our own business, and all of a sudden we wind up in a situation we never intended. Or as Jimmy Buffet once sang, “……trying to figure out how I ever got here.”

Chapter Two - “I walk down the road. There’s a big a hole in the road. I don’t see it. I fall in. It’s not my fault. It’s dark and scary. It takes me less time to get out.”

Here we go again. If the first time came as a surprise, this is getting to be a habit, or a pattern.

Denial and blame tend to show up at this point in the game. Denial says “what do you mean, what’s my part?” Blame says “someone else did this to me, and just wait until I find them!”

At this point we are still digging the hole, and are just not aware of it yet. This is where the rut begins. It’s important to remember that “the only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.”

Chapter Three - “I walk down the road. There’s a big a hole in the road. I see it. I fall in anyway. Maybe I’ve got something to do with this. It’s dark and scary. I get out.”

Don’tcha just hate it when you know better, you even know you know better, and yet you wind up in the same place again.

Here’s when change can begin to occur, because we begin to see our part in the problem. Good questions to ask are -

What’s my part in this? What am I willing to do to change this? What am I willing to stop doing to change this?

It’s also important to remember my favorite definition of stuck is “when we keep doing the same things over and over again and expect different results.”

Chapter 4 - “I walk down the road. There’s a big a hole in the road. I see it. I walk around it.”

Good job! You’re starting to pay attention, and make progress. Here’s the not so good news. It’s not enough. “What do you mean, it’s not enough? Didn’t I stay away from the hole?”

Yes, you did. And while that’s good, in the words of southern rock group Molly Hatchet, your “flirtin’ with disaster.”

“Why is that?”

Because you are still on the same road, and human nature has a curious feature. We tend to forget how bad things were, and we can fall into the trap of checking out the hole “just one more time”, just to make sure it was really that bad. Like an alcoholic in a bar or a dieter at an all you can eat buffet, you are flirting with disaster.

Chapter Five - “I walk down a different road.”

While chapters one through four do involve some amount of change, it’s still not real change. There’s lots of movement and things may even look different, but it’s still “change without change.”

The real change, that is transformation, can go something like this four step process -

1 - you do the same thing again and then realize it afterwards

2 - you do the same thing again and realize it while you are doing it

3 - you realize you are about to do the same thing before you do it, and do something different

4 - you automatically do something different

The beauty of “walking down a different road” is that transformation has taken place. Not only do you no longer fall in the old holes, you find that you don’t even want to. They no longer hold any interest or attraction for you.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on Jun 14th, 2006

Perhaps you can relate. One man was to meet his wife downtown and spend some time shopping with her. He waited patiently for 15 minutes.

Then he waited impatiently for 15 minutes more.

After that, he became angry. Seeing one of those photograph booths nearby (the kind that accepts coins into a slot and takes four shots while you pose on a small bench), he had an idea. He assumed the most ferocious expression he could manage, which wasn’t difficult under the circumstances, and in a few moments he was holding four small prints that shocked even him!

He wrote his wife’s name on the back of the photographs and handed them to a clerk behind the desk. "If you see a small, dark lady with brown eyes and an apologetic expression, apparently looking for someone, would you please give her this?" he said.

He then returned to his office content that, if a picture is worth a thousand words, then four photos must be a full-blown lecture!

His wife saved those pictures. She carries them in her purse now. Shows them to anyone who asks if she is married…

How are you with patience? One person calls it "wait-training." It seems that there is always something we are waiting for. We wait on traffic and we wait in lines. We wait to hear about a new job. We wait to complete school or to retire. We wait to grow up or for maturity in a child. We wait for a decision to be made. We wait for someone to change his or her mind.

Patience is an essential quality of a happy life. After all, some things are worth waiting for. Every day presents plenty of opportunities for wait training.

We can resent waiting, accept it or even get good at it! But one thing is certain - we cannot avoid it. How is your wait training coming along?

Steve Goodier is a newspaper columnist and author of numerous books on personal development. Visit his site for more information, free eBooks or to sign up for his ezine newsletter of Life, Love and Laughter at http://LifeSupportSystem.com

Posted on Jun 14th, 2006

Seems like more and more they are all around us. You know who I’m talking about - all those difficult people who seem to cross our path everyday.

Whether we associate with them, work with them, or, even worse, live with them, they can drain the life out of your day if you let them.

3 Rules for dealing with difficult people

Rule 1 - You cannot, will not, and should not even try to change them. The only winnng move, if you can’t avoid them altogether, is to change your responses to them. Remember the three things we are always responsible for, our attitudes, our choices and our actions.

Rule 2 - In order to successfully deal with difficult people, you have to play the “I can expect that” game. What is the “I can expect that” game? To play the this game, you have to expect difficult people act exactly like difficult people. The trap we fall into is that we expect everyone to play by the same nice rules (and/or our rules) and then are shocked, surprised and hurt when the difficult people show up and act the way they do.

Playing the “I can expect that” game with difficult people allows us to do at least three things:

we can anticipate and plan for their behavior we are not surprised by their behavior we can resond to their behavior, instead of reacting

Rule - You and I might be someone else’s difficult person. Ouch, I know, not us right? At the same time, it’s always good to check our own behavior too.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on Jun 13th, 2006

Have you ever had a Migraine Headache? These are very severe and painful headaches. Not all bad headaches are Migraine headaches. A “true” migraine headache is a vascular headache which is associated with an increase of blood flow to the scalp and brain. Often these headaches are felt on only one side of the head. They often have “prodromal” symptoms which can tell you that a migraine headache is about to get started. These precursors may include: can changes to your visual patterns, sensitivity to light, odd feelings in the neck/head, sometimes feelings in the stomach, possibly dizziness, etc. If you can “catch” a migraine headache before it starts, you can sometimes prevent them and can help to minimize the headaches that occur.

Often Migraine headaches are connected to tension headaches. To help reduce the tension headache portion, you must learn to relax the muscle groups that go into spasm and contribute to the tension headache. Regular relaxation with the awareness and skills to release tension from these muscle groups will be very helpful. The Migraine portion of your headache activity can also respond to preventive actions of relaxation training with an emphasis on redirecting blood flow away from the scalp and brain, sending the blood flow into the hands and the feet. A combination of Autogenic training (or another effective relaxation with visualization) and temperature training biofeedback can teach you how to “let go” and allow the blood to flow down the arms and legs, through dilated blood vessels, and then pulse more freely into your fingers and toes. This skill takes time and practice, but it is well worth the effort.

One client of mine was a 45 year old registered nurse who reported to me that she was getting up to 3 migraine headaches a week, when her doctor referred her to me for biofeedback training. She said that the headaches were so distracting that she was losing concentration and afraid that she might over or under medicate her patients. I taught her Autogenic training Phrases and showed her how to use temperature training biofeedback to learn how to send her blood flow more freely into her hands and her feet. She really understood the principles and began the daily practice. Her headaches pattern had existed for 25 years, but miraculously within one week she learn to control her migraine headache activity. As long as she maintained her practice of Autogenic Training, on a regular basis, she was able to prevent the headaches from returning. She was very pleased. I have seen this kind of response in other clients. Most clients report that the skills for relaxation and hand/foot warming take longer than one week. It is more common to develop this skill over time which usually takes 8-12 weeks of regular practice.

Read more about Autogenic training and temperature training biofeedback in other tip articles. If you are using these for what you believe to be Migraine Headaches, it is best to consult your physician and get examined to make certain that your headaches are not related to some other physical challenge. Please be careful and take good care of yourself.

I would recommend the guided relaxations on the CD’s: Autogenic Training Phrases and/or Stress Management for Headaches. Request a temperature trainer for biofeedback and learn how to redirect blood flow into your hands and feet as you listen to the guided relaxations on your CD’s.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling "Guide to Stress Reduction." Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at http://www.dstress.com for guided relaxation CD’s, articles, free ezine signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (707) 795-2228.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.

Posted on Jun 13th, 2006

The Rule of Balance

There is more to life than work. There are so many other areas of our lives than just work. Spend some time each day and/or week focused on all the other areas of your life. Repeat after me, there is more to life than work.

The Rule of 10

This one is a bit controversial, but I’ve come to believe it through my own experience. The rule of ten states that if it can’t be done in ten hours in a day, it shouldn’t be done. Occasionally putting in over time or having crunch times is fine, it just doesn’t need to become a way of life. Anything more robs you of your presence in all the other areas of your life.

The Rule of Recovery

After a particularly stressful period at work, it’s vital for good health to have an equally enjoyable recovery time.

The Rule of Rest

Remember rest?

I have a friend who likes to say "I’ll rest when I die." My fear is his rest will be too soon and too long. If we don’t give our body and mind the rest they need, our bodies and minds will find a way to get the rest they need.

Now go use this stuff!

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on Jun 12th, 2006

Stress in small doses, and linked to positive events, helps you be more productive, active and happier. However, when stress reaches a certain level, it starts to have adverse effects. Adrenalin floods the body, breathing becomes shallower, your thoughts become less clear - everything is framed in terms of fight-or-flight responses. If this state persists for extended periods of time, irreversible physical damage starts to happen in your body - including the brain.

Some sources of stress you can avoid, but many you unfortunately can’t. However, you can make sure that you regularly and actively reduce your stress level, so that you don’t suffer its adverse consequences.

The first key to stress management is good sleep. Yes, it does make a difference: If you sleep enough, you will be able to better handle things that come your way, and your stress response will be muted. So make sleep one of your priorities, and avoid late nights at work as much as possible.

The second key is to weekly make an appointment with yourself for at least a couple hours a week, devoted to relaxation. It can be going to the gym, practicing a sport you love, getting a massage (on this subject, see this month’s spotlight), sit down and read an entertaining book, do some knitting, whatever works for you. The key is that this is an activity that you enjoy, that you practice on your own (i.e. no co-workers to talk business while having a tennis game, no children interrupting you while you are reading your book, etc.) and that makes you feel refreshed once you’re done.

The third key is to make sure to have mini de-stressing sessions throughout the day. It can be as easy as taking a few minutes to breathe deeply; stand up and do a few stretching moves; get out and walk around the block; or use some of the de-stressing tools on the market (see This Month’s Product for examples). Ideally, experts recommend to take a 3-to-5-minute break every hour. It is especially important if you spend most of the day at a desk, and your body is stressed by the mere fact of not being able to move freely for hours in a row. I am in no way, shape or form a proponent of smoking (I don’t smoke, don’t like the smell of smoke, and definitely don’t want you to suffer the side-effects and consequences of smoking), but the cigarette breaks were good in the sense that they provided those necessary breaks both body and mind. So introduce your own non-smoking breaks in your day!

Now is your time to plan: Open your calendar, and figure out when you can include an hour or two of relaxation time in your week, every week until the end of the year. Then ask yourself the following questions: How will you organize your breaks during the day? When can you take a 10-minute break? Which relaxation exercises do you want to focus on?

Karin Vibe-Rheymer-Stewart, Ph.D., helps busy women reclaim time and achieve work/life balance through whole-life time management, in other words everything that affects your use of time. She has helped numerous clients find balance and peace of mind, through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, seminars and talks. For free resources and to contact her, go to http://www.superwomanrelief.com.

Posted on Jun 12th, 2006

Let’s take a look at some of the more serious signs and effects of workaholism.

Workaholism is a thief. Here are a few of the things that workaholism can rob from us.

Workaholism steals your mind

You can rarely think about anything else or concentrate on something else beside work. The focus of your mind is on problems and issues at work. You may be good at problem solving on the job, while problems in the rest of your life are ignored and continue to mount.

A clear sign of work stealing your mind is something I call “Sunday Night Syndrome”, which is becoming anxious about and dreading work before the weekend is even over.

Workaholism steals your presence

Work keeps you away from those you love and those who love you. You are usually not there and miss out on important events, whether it’s as simple as dinner or as big as a birthday party.

Consider these line from the song "Cats in the Cradle" by singer-song writer Harry Chapin: "A child arrived just the other day. He came to the world in the usual way. But there were planes to catch and bills to pay. He learned to walk while I was away." If this sound painfully familiar, you might be a workaholic.

Even when you are at home, you are only present physically. Your mind and heart are at work.

Workaholism steals your identity

The definition of who you are is completely organized around your job. As a result, so is your self esteem, self confidence, etc.

You are what you do.

Workaholism steals your significance

Your meaning in life comes only from your job. This blocks any connection to family, friend, faith, or anything else greater than yourself.

Workaholism steals your health

Stress induced illnesses, ulcers, headaches, heart attacks, panic attacks. Sounds like a nice menu from which to choose, doesn’t it?

Workaholism steals your priorities

While you may say something different, your choices and actions say that work is the most important thing in your life. Your gravestone will read "He/she was a great worker" not "He/she was a great dad/mom and husband/mom and friend." Workaholism steals your energy

Most if not all energy is spent at work. All the other people and important areas of our life get only the crumbs.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on Jun 11th, 2006

Anxiety is a part of everyone’s life. There are different ways of dealing with different of anxiety owing different causes. Proper treatment and support can help a person to deal with their anxiety in a better way and making living with it better. And with time one can find himself or herself free from the majority of their issues. Causes and types

Anxiety is mainly of two types. One type is that type of anxiety with which you can deal and the other type is worsened form of anxiety which leaves a mark on your personality. The first type of anxiety is easy to deal with. Support from your near and dear ones can help you to come out of your anxiety or you can always deal with it on your own, without needing any support. But the second type of anxiety requires some effort to make living easy. The first thing that is needed to be done is to determine which the type of your anxiety is and then find out the root cause of it. Causes for anxiety can be external as well.

So in order to deal with your anxiety in a better way you need to find out whether your anxiety is caused due to an external factor or not. Any bitter incident which took place in your past life can be the cause or sometimes it can be an indistinct intuition that something is not right but if your anxiety is due to some external factors then you should work towards dealing with it. However there is no obvious external cause for anxiety reactions to life.

Studies are still conducted to find out the cause of anxiety in people who don’t have any reasonable past traumatic experience which could lead to anxiety. People with deep rooted anxiety may have chemical imbalances in their brains for improper registration of neuro chemicals. However you should be aware that it is not a proven fact with any concrete evidence. A relatively new study conducted in 2005 showed that it is possible to do a normal blood test to find out the chemicals present in the brain which can cause anxiety.

Symptoms

More or less all the anxiety symptoms are quite well known because over the years people have experienced anxiety. The usual symptoms are prolific sweating, ‘lump in the throat’, palpitations, twitching, dry mouth, chest pain and shortness of breath or wheezing. However these symptoms can exist as side effects of some other medicines or some other psychological issues. When linked to a phobia, as opposed to being ‘general’ anxiety disorder, the symptoms normally only happen in reaction to explicit stimuli.

Treatment

Groups like Toastmasters International helps you with specific anxieties that have not yet reached a weakening stage. After you notice the anxiety symptoms in yourself you must consult a psychiatrist or a professional health professional.

A qualified mental health professional can assess your anxiety, diagnose your psychological issues, and plan a course of treatment that suits you best. If you detect that your anxiety is reaching a bad stage then at once you must seek advice from your doctor. So that there are full chances of your recovery. If you have full support from your family and from all those people who understands you can help you treating your anxiety. Thus you can cope with anxiety in a better way and your recovery will be quick and complete.

Journaling, therapy, group sessions, or medication are the various methods of treatment. However cognitive-behavioral therapy is the most common type of therapy. In this kind of treatment the mental health professional aids the patient in shagging the ways of thinking that contribute to the cause of anxiety. The professional then introduce the patient to the situations that helps in controlling their anxiety. Common types of medication include anxiolytics such as Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) and Monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) are the common medicines and also tricyclic anti-depressants, though these days those are prescribed less often. It is seen that over 90% of patients get recovered by availing these treatment options.

Jacob Felts is the author of http://www.anxietycure.org - Learn about anxiety and chest pain here.

Posted on Jun 11th, 2006

As we celebrate yet another Labor Day, I thought it might be useful to take a look at the place of work in our lives.

For some of us, work is a means to an end, for others it’s a joy, and for still others it’s like an addiction.

Addiction to work is called workaholism. One of the many interesting things about workaholism is that it is the most socially accepted addiction. We tend to give praise in our society to those that work too hard without considering the many costs involved.

Humor has a way of cutting through our defenses. So I thought I might take a humorous look at a serious subject as a way of getting through to you.

So with a nod to comedian Jeff Foxworthy, here’s a tongue-in-cheek look at workaholism called “You might be a workaholic if….”:

If your answering machine says, ‘the kids are in bed and dinner is in the fridge’, you might be a workaholic.

If your children call 911 when you come home before dark, you might be a workaholic.

If your business cellular phone bill is larger than your house payment, you might be a workaholic.

If Thanksgiving dinner is the last meal you ate with your family, you might be a workaholic.

If your receptionist or secretary talks to your spouse more than you do, you might be a workaholic.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

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