Archive for August, 2006

Posted on Aug 1st, 2006

Are you stressed and your self esteem is constantly taking a bashing? Over 50 means you may be feeling saggy, baggy, dull and invisible. Does that hit the spot? I’m not going to pretend that Over 50 is necessarily an easy age to be at but there is hope - honestly.

As it’s winter I’ve been watching more reality TV and seeing every form of facelift, tummy tuck and cosmetic enhancement available to us on the market today. The grateful "recipient" comes away from surgery, where they appear to have been treated to a brutal form of self inflicted torture, totally grateful for their new face and/or body. That’s great, however, in the long term what will they do when everything goes southwards again? Most of the cosmetic enhancements I’ve seen only have a shelf life of 10yrs max.

Are you going to put yourself through all this trauma every 10yrs? Will you be able to afford it? Will it have really changed your self esteem levels?

Unless you are happy with the inner you, you won’t have the ability to deal successfully with what is happening to the outer, visible you.

So, what’s the magic potion to gain self esteem instantly? The answer, like most things in life, is hard work! You’ve got to work on what you can see as your assets and learn to train yourself to keep finding good things about your personality and body. We all have good and bad points but what’s the point of dwelling on the grotty bits: let’s get positive and find those great bits - even if we have to dig deep sometimes! Also let’s bring some humour into the equation, even in the most awful times of our lives there is usually, quite unexpectantly, some humour. Of course it may be black humour but so what?

Here’s a short list of what is wrong with me

  • Baggy eyes
  • 2 or maybe 3 chins
  • Kangaroo tummy
  • Short sighted
  • Teeth on the move (as overbrushed gums receed)
  • Hair thinning
  • Unable to catch peoples eye or attention when out

That is my negative perception of myself. I have the choice. I can live my life allowing these bad points to affect how I feel about myself or I can stand back from myself and say, "Hang on a minute I’m not bad at all for 53 and there are many ways I can daily improve myself".

Sounds unbelievable? Not really. The more negative spin you put on life the more you will suffer negative traits and the more upbeat and positive ways you adopt the more you will achieve a higher level of self esteem.

All the points on my short list were true in a way, however, there are ways to make them far less powerful in our lives. Perhaps one of the most vital thought patterns you need to adopt is the

Think tall and beautiful to be tall and beautiful

Of course you are not going to become a 6 foot tall willowy beauty just by chanting this mantra everyday. But if you improve our stature and learn to smile and portray a lively, happy personality, you will find that people will describe and judge you by the personality you portray (ie. bright, attractive and fun to be around) rather than what you physically look like. The wrinkles will be laughter lines and the slghtly crooked teeth will all be part of the bright and smiling you!

If you don’t believe me then do a small experiment. When out shopping, go into one shop as the grumpy, low self esteem you. How do people react to you? Now go into the next shop smiling, happy and ready to engage in cheery conversation for just a sentence or two.

Was there a change? Did you notice the difference between the two in how you felt? People treated you diferently didn’t they?

Make this small exercise a daily occurence. As you slowly build your confidence back in yourself your features should become brighter and you and others should comment and say they see a difference in you which they may not be able to quite put their finger on.

What have you got to lose? Try it and see.

If you still think the knife is for you, start the process by splashing out on a really good professional haircut and make up consultation. Try our the shopping experiment and see if you can use the high maintenance ie haircut and makeup regime rather than spend thousands on cosmetic surgery.

Learn to use your inner worth and personality to it’s full potential as you age, and although it may be harder to achieve as 50 and above approaches, in the long term it will be better for you mentally. You will have control of your mind and self esteem rather than hand it over to a surgeon who can only deal with the flabby, saggy bits which will eventually recur anyway - does that make sense? I hope so.

For all those stressed, over 50’s with low self esteem who have found this article helpful or interesting, please visit my website on stress and anxieties to learn more =>

There’s lots for you to look at and helpful contacts on each page. I wish you luck for a high self esteem future and hope this has helped in some way towards your future goals.

Wishing you good luck and a happy future!

Christina Vickery

Posted on Aug 1st, 2006

Q. I have just recently come to recognize that I don’t handle change very well, although my husband and friends have told me that for years. I seem to have trouble with changes that are out of my control. And then when I try to change things I want to change, I just don’t know what to do and get bogged down. What do you recommend?


I believe that most people do not like change because they either don’t know how to respond to it or they respond poorly.

One way to think about this is that change is like waves on the beach. Just like change, waves are relentless and can be powerful, and there’s really only three things you can do with a wave: Let it knock you down, survive it or ride it.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these three ways to handle change.

We let the waves of change knock us down when we take what I call the dead roach approach to change - flat on our back, feet in the air and just out of control.

You can tell you are taking this approach when you say things such as:

"I’m so stressed out!"

"I can’t take this!"

"This isn’t fair!"

"Why does this always have to happen to me?"

Doesn’t surviving change sound like a good thing to want to do? Though in a few cases it’s really the only thing you can do, it really isn’t the optimal approach to take. I don’t know about you, but merely surviving doesn’t sound like a very compelling way to live.

If you’re thinking or saying these things, you’ve probably settled on merely surviving:

"How can I get through this?"

"What’s the worst that could happen here?"

"I don’t know if I can take this."

"What can I do to get by?"

The problem with taking a survival approach is that you just merely get by. When you’re ready to do more than just get by, it’s time to begin managing change.

Riding the waves of change means moving from a state of survival to a state I call "thrival." Thrival is simply the process of making change work for you.

Here are some questions to ask to begin to learn how to thrive on change:

How can I make this work for me?

What’s good about this?

What does this change allow me to do that I couldn’t do before?

What positive things might this change force me to do.

Change is inevitable. How we handle it is optional. Make the choice to ride the waves and you’re likely to create a compelling life for yourself.

Visit for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

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