'Stress Management' Category Archive

Posted on Aug 25th, 2006

Picture the following scene:

It’s Sunday evening, the weekend is winding down and you’re beginning to think about the work week ahead. What are your feelings?

Do you find yourself excited and challenged, looking forward to another week of doing something you love? The most fortunate among us get to feel that way on a regular basis.

Or are you instead feeling something else, perhaps anxiety or even dread? That’s a special kind of anxiety and stress I call "Sunday Night Syndrome."

All of us experience some form of SNS from time to time. What’s important is how often and how severe it is.

Mild Sunday Night Syndrome

In most people, the anxiety usually begins Sunday evening, but it passes quickly and is gone by the time you arrive at work. This feeling is probably the result of working continuously for five days a week and having only two days off during which to recover.

What to do:

Relax and remember: The feeling will pass.

Rent a movie, play a game, enjoy being with family and friends.

Moderate Sunday Night Syndrome

The next stage of SNS is characterized by increasing anxiety as the work week approaches. The anxiety begins earlier in the day and doesn’t pass as easily as mild SNS.

You begin to stay up later and later on Sunday night, in the hope of keeping Monday morning from arriving. As a result, you feel tired and sluggish on Monday, which leaves you ill-equipped to deal with your feelings and your work.

Other symptoms include increased irritability and inattentiveness around family and friends, as well as deteriorating work performance. Colleagues and supervisors may begin to notice changes at this point.

What to do:

In addition to the above suggestions, make sure you get to bed early enough to be rested the next day.

Identify things about your job that you can feel good about, or even look forward to.

As crazy as it sounds, some people have found that going into the office or doing some work at home seems to help.

If going into the office is not possible, being as prepared as possible can help.

Severe Sunday Night Syndrome

The third level of SNS doesn’t wait until Sunday to arrive. It begins Saturday or even Friday after work.

By the time Sunday evening rolls around, folks with severe SNS are experiencing strong anxiety and dread.

Some people become physically ill at the prospect of another work week. Depression is common at this point, as well as drinking too much alcohol.

What to do:

What underlies your emotions and reactions? If you don’t examine this issue, the feelings might just grow stronger.

It could be time to consider a change, either in the details of your job or perhaps an entire change of job or career.

Consult a career counselor to look at your options.

Make sure you are doing something, from talking about it to physical exercise, in order to relieve the stress.

You might want to seek counseling to help you manage the stress, emotions and decisions involved.

Remember: If it’s hurting you, it’s not likely to be helping anyone else.

What’s more, there are three books I’ve recommended before that you might find useful:

"Chicken Soup for the Soul at Work" by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

"Heart at Work" by Jack Canfield and Jacqueline Miller

"Care Packages for the Workplace" by Barbara Glanz

All of us experience some form of Sunday Night Syndrome from time to time. It’s how we respond that makes the difference.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006

Q. So many times in my life, I seem to hold myself back from what I want to do. I make great plans and have great intentions, but then end up holding myself back in some way. Do you have any suggestions for changing this?

A. When you were a kid, did you ever do something wrong and get put on restrictions? You know, no TV, stay in your room, can’t play with friends, for what seemed like an eternity?

What would it be like if we were still on the same restrictions from when we were kids?

It would seem kind of silly, would it not?

And yet we tend to keep ourselves "on restriction" in so many areas of our lives.

These restrictions tend to fall into certain categories. See if any of these fit for you.

1) I can’t:

Ask for what I want.

Be successful.

Get the right job.

Stand up for myself.

2) I shouldn’t:

Go for what I want.

Act selfish.

Say no.

Think for myself.

3) I’m only:

Good at one thing.

A young person.

An old person.

4) I don’t have:

The right genes.

The right connections.

5) I have:

Too much against me.

A bad attitude.

6) They said:

I couldn’t do it.

I wouldn’t make it.

7) I’m too:

Young, old, fat, thin.

If you recognized yourself in any of these restrictions, don’t despair. Look at it this way. When we were kids, parents could put us on restrictions and take us off. But now we are adults. We can take ourselves off restrictions.

How? There are three steps.

1. Question the restriction. Here are some questions to ask:

Does this make sense?

Does this fit in my life?

Does it help me meet my goals?

Does it help me to feel and act the way I want?

If you can’t get a yes to any of these questions, it’s time to discard the restriction as no longer useful in your life.

2. Make fun of the restriction.

Have you ever gently teased yourself about something in your life? I don’t mean in a negative or mean sense. You need to be able to laugh at your own self-imposed limitations.

3. Replace it with an ability.

Here’s a general rule about changing restrictions: Never remove a restriction without replacing it with a belief that strengthens you.

Take, for example, one of the statements above: "I can’t ask for what I want." After you have questioned and laughed at the restriction, simply replace it with "I can ask for anything I want, I just need to learn how."

See the difference?

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on Aug 21st, 2006

Do you ever feel stressed? Is stress a regular component of your lifestyle? What exactly is stress? What causes it and what can you do to manage and reduce it?

What you experience as stress is the result of your reaction to the events, circumstances, and people you encounter. The more you feel frustrated, a victim, helpless, a target, or picked on, the more you feel stressed.

You are surrounded by potential sources of stress. Your job, family, friends, schedule, traffic, and finances are among the many possible origins of stress you encounter on a daily basis.

The key to managing stress is monitoring and controlling the way you react. Stress affects you mentally and physically. Mental manifestations include irritability, sleeplessness, a lack of focus, emotional swings, a feeling of helplessness, and a short temper. Physical symptoms include elevated blood pressure, ulcers, headaches, weight gain, and aches and pains.

Don’t underestimate the destructive effects of stress on you. The consequences of stress can be debilitating. Left unchecked, stress can cut years from your life span and severely undermine your quality of life.

Our innate fight or flight response is responsible for the physiological symptoms. Our bodies are designed to run from or combat any perceived source of stress. Modern society, however, prohibits us from doing either. Stress therefore finds an outlet by affecting us mentally and physically.

If you attempt to manage stress by trying to control your environment, you will only succeed in exacerbating your stress level. You can’t change people or circumstances but you do have control over yourself. The only effective strategy for managing and reducing stress is learning how to manage your reaction to your environment.

Unless and until you change the way you react to stress, you will keep experiencing the same symptoms. You can’t run away because wherever you go there are stress inducing situations. Only by changing your internal stress handling mechanism will you free yourself from the clutches of stress.

One effective method for managing your stress is constructing a written stress management handbook. The first step is to identify and write down everything that causes you stress. Next detail how you react to each of the sources of stress. The handbook is your own private document so be honest about what you react to and how you respond. Different people have varying reactions to the same circumstances. You are only concerned with your own behavior.

For each of your reactions, describe an ideal response that would minimize anxiety. For example, if obnoxious people stress you, your ideal reaction might be to ignore them without getting upset.

Identifying the causes and effects of stress in writing enables you to formulate a stress management strategy. The following are some effective techniques for reducing your stress.

Take responsibility for your life. Don’t blame others. You are the only one who has the power to change things. Make sure that you effectively communicate your feelings and desires. Don’t assume that others know how you feel or what you think. Don’t take personally the actions of others. If someone treats you poorly, it’s because they have a problem.

You don’t want to allow frustrations and anger to build up internally. Doing so substantially increases stress levels. You need to restructure how you interpret and react to sources of stress.

With practice you can train yourself to successfully manage and reduce your stress level. Doing so will improve your health and enrich your life.

Copyright 2005 Bryan Golden

Bryan Golden is a self-development and motivational expert, author, and adjunct professor. He is the author of "Dare to Live Without Limits," and writes a nationally syndicated newspaper column. For more information please visit: http://www.daretolivewithoutlimits.com or http://www.bryangolden.com

Posted on Aug 20th, 2006

Adversity is an unavoidable part of life. Death of a loved one, breakup of a relationship, malicious action by another, job loss, natural disaster, or any other undesirable event are all circumstances people encounter. Events happen that are beyond our control.

Successfully overcoming adversity is essential for a healthy life. Overcoming adversity builds mental strength, character and endurance. You develop in ways that would not otherwise be possible.

When undesirable incidents occur, you want to avoid the pitfall of the past and becoming mired in the would of, could of, or should of trap. It’s done and over. Adversity is overcome by moving forward.

Nothing you can do, say, think or feel will ever change the past. Wallowing in feelings of guilt, regret or despair will diminish the present and compromise the future. Although it’s difficult to accept unpleasant events, you have no choice, they have already occurred. The goal is to adjust your outlook to enable you to function and move ahead.

Adverse reactions are not unusual when faced with adversity. Feelings of denial, sickness, giving up, retribution, being overwhelmed, inactivity, anger, guilt, and "why me" are not uncommon. These reactions are counter-productive causing you to feel worse. Anger or bitterness poisons you and impedes your recovery.

You have control over your reaction to adversity. You have been conditioned by how others respond to unpleasant circumstances. However, most people aren’t a good role model for effectively dealing with adversity.

Adverse situations can be divided into three categories; events you have no control or influence over, situations resulting from decisions you made, and circumstances caused by someone else’s actions. Effort spent on lamenting the past drains you of energy needed to handle the present and plan for the future. Your energy is best spent ensuring that you will be OK.

After experiencing a loss, a period of grieving is normal but should not become a way of life. Everything in life is temporary. What varies is the timing. As much as you may miss someone, there are people who depend on and need you. Focusing on the needs of others is an effective and positive way to move forward.

Perhaps you are unhappy with the results from your decisions. Everyone makes bad calls. There are no “do-overs” — life goes on. How do you get back on track? Learn from your experiences and keep going. Inaction will cause you to feel worse.

Channeling your energy into positive action is one of the best cures for being disheartened. For example, if you’ve lost a job, immediately begin the process of getting another one. No matter how bad unemployment is, the odds are always weighted heavily in your favor. Even if the unemployment rate was an astronomical 15% you have an 85% chance of finding a job.

If a relationship has ended without any chance of reconciliation, take comfort in the fact that there are numerous people in the same boat. Get out, circulate, and meet people.

If you’ve made a bad decision and are unhappy with your circumstances, resolve to change direction. Effecting a correction can be difficult, but persisting in an unhappy state is torture.

Everyone encounters adversity. No one is ever singled out. No one knows why some things happen, they just do. Some decide to regain their footing, catch their breath and keep walking forward. Others choose to give up.

Each time you overcome adversity you get stronger and wiser and can teach others by example how to do it also.

copyright 2005 Bryan Golden

Bryan Golden is a self-development and motivational expert, author, and adjunct professor. He is the author of "Dare to Live Without Limits," and writes a nationally syndicated newspaper column. For more information please visit: http://www.daretolivewithoutlimits.com or http://www.bryangolden.com

Posted on Aug 19th, 2006

"One day I’m a mother, One day I’m a lover, What am I supposed to do? Workin’ for a livin’ All because I’m driven … Why do I have to wear So many things on my head?"

These lyrics from the Amy Grant song “Hats'’ seem to capture the cry of many overworked, overwhelmed and stressed-out people.

In the song, the word “hats'’ simply refers to all the different roles we must play in our everyday lives.

There is the hat of employee, parent, spouse, son or daughter, etc., etc. It might be easier if these hats could be worn one at a time; we could complete one role and move on to another. Unfortunately for most of us, we tend to wear all of our different hats in the same day, often at the same time.

TMH - a unique kind of stress

The responsibility and pressure of too many roles is a unique kind of stress. I call it Too Many Hats Syndrome. TMH syndrome can be likened to the sideshow at the circus in which a guy has several plates spinning on sticks, all at once. He has to run around constantly to make sure he keeps all of them spinning.

What are some of the characteristics of a person suffering from TMH syndrome?

She’s always doing something, rushing, rushing, rushing.

She never has enough time.

She’s not able to have fun and/or relax.

She has trouble falling asleep.

She wakes up during the night and is unable to go back to sleep.

She has a feeling of always being “on.'’

She thinks she’s the only person who has so much to do.

She has the sense that if she stops and rests, everything will fall apart.

She works in bed until she turns off the lights.

She feels exhausted all the time.

She has fantasies of running away from it all.

Misinformation about stress

One of the most misleading ideas about coping with stress is that somehow we can eliminate it from our lives. If you are alive, you are experiencing some level of stress. In fact, it’s a sign that you are alive.

The main solution is in how we respond to and therefore cope with stress. Dr. James Loehr, in his book “Toughness Training for Life'’ has this to say: “Stress management systems usually aim at reducing stress, an unrealistic goal for most of us.'’ Instead, Loehr focuses on how to be “emotionally strong enough to thrive on the stress.'’

Unless we win the lottery or become independently wealthy in some other way, most of us will simply have to learn how to cope with our own version of “Too Many Hats.'’

Here are some suggestions for thriving on stress instead of just surviving:

Organize, organize, organize your time. If you are saying you don’t have enough time to organize, you’re proving my point.

Pay attention to how you talk to yourself about your stress. Negative self-talk such as, “How will I ever get all this done?'’ and “This is just not fair!'’ turns stress into pressure.

Positive self-talk allows us to thrive on the stress in our lives. Reframe the stress from “all I have to do'’ to “all I get to do'’ or “all I am able to do.'’

Learn to say no when your dance card is already full. Keep handy a 3×5 card with the word “NO'’ written on it in big letters.

Delegate. Another sign of TMH syndrome is the mistaken belief that we are only ones who can do a task properly. If it can be done by someone else, allow them the privilege of helping.

Remind yourself that you usually do get everything done. This can calm you and put things in perspective.

To get a different perspective on the situation, consider how a favorite character from a recent movie or TV show would handle the situation.

Take a mini-vacation. Whether a three-day getaway or a five-minute break, getting away refreshes us.

Remember this word: balance. Make sure to leave room for the hat called fun and relaxation.

Stress is an inevitable part of our daily lives. To be able to thrive on our stress, it’s important to have fun and to enjoy keeping all those plates spinning.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on Aug 15th, 2006

Raise your hand if you have ever been rejected by anyone, for anything, at any time. C’mon, be honest.

When I ask this question in seminars, nearly all the people raise their hand, except for those select few who never raise their hand in public no matter what the question.

The bottom line is this:

Every one of us has felt the sting of rejection at some time in our lives. And although rejection can and does hurt, there is an important distinction to be made. Most of the people I have worked with have a more difficult time with the fear of rejection than the rejection itself.

From the teen-age boy who hangs up the phone when the girl answers (did that more than once myself) to the adult afraid to ask for a raise, the fear of rejection stops many people from doing what they want.

When it comes to rejection or the fear of rejection, it’s just like many other challenges in life: It’s not what happens to you that matters as much as what you do about it. With rejection, we have the choice to either let it define us or refine us. Let’s take a closer look at each of these two options.

How we let rejection define us

Believe that FEAR stands for Forget Everything And Run. Most people get rejected once and give up.

Believe that the rejection reflects the sum total of your worth as a person.

After being rejected, never take a risk again.

Play the rejection over and over again in your mind. This helps keep it fresh.

Have a large and ongoing pity party, even though you’re the only invited guest.

Take a tip from Rabbit in “Winnie the Pooh'’ and think: “Why does this always happen to me? Why, oh why, oh why?'’

Practice being afraid to ask.

Believe that everyone knows you were rejected and is looking at you and talking about you.

Get stuck. Stay focused on the rejection and never worry about moving forward.

How to use rejection to refine you

Believe that FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Realize that most of what you worry about (false evidence) does not happen.

Take a tip from the world of sales: Studies show that most sales are made not on the first contact, but on the fourth, fifth or sixth contact. Keep swinging.

Keep in mind that just because someone says “no'’ right now, does not necessarily mean the person will say “no'’ in the future. That might happen, and then again, it might not. Ask again.

Learn from the rejection. Focus on how to ask more skillfully, asking the right questions, asking the right person, etc.

Practice the QTIP response to rejection. According to stress management expert Tim O’Brien, QTIP stands for Quit Taking It Personally.

And now, my favorite response to rejection: How would you like a nice four-letter word to use whenever you are rejected?

The next time you’re rejected, say loudly to yourself: NEXT!

The power of NEXT! is that it allows you to put the rejection behind you and focus on your present and future goals.

Remember, everyone has been rejected. It’s a big club. Whether rejection defines us or refines us is our choice. Which will it be for you?

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on Aug 14th, 2006

One of my favorite stories about change is the story called “The Room of 10,000 Monsters.'’

In this room, all your worst fears, anxieties and nightmares are played out in front of you as if they were real. You walk in and close the door behind you. There is no handle on the inside of the door. The only door with a handle is across the room.

If you can walk across the room and reach the door, you will reach Nirvana. You have to go by yourself, and you get only two pieces of advice:

The first is no matter what you see, hear or feel, remember that it’s not real, it’s just taken from your own imagination. That’s good advice, but if your biggest fear is of heights and you see yourself on the edge of a 20-story building, you’re not likely to get anywhere.

The second piece of advice is that no matter what you see, hear or feel, keep your feet moving, and you will get to the other side.

The moral of the story:

Even in the face of rejection, keep your feet moving!

When you are tuned into the station KYFM - Keep Your Feet Moving(TM) you won’t get stuck in fear, you keep making progress no matter what.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on Aug 11th, 2006

Success in recovery, or rather, staying in recovery, is dependent upon a variety of factors. For example, it appears that attending daily NA or AA meetings and staying in communication with ones chosen sponsor will definitely assist an individual in successfully implementing his recovery plan. Getting and staying committed to working the 12 Step Program also appears to increase the probability of the person staying abstinent from drugs and alcohol. While the above-mentioned elements of a persons overall recovery plan are crucial to his recovery, another major factor that will greatly influence an individual’s continued abstinence is how he is able to handle the breakdowns that happen in life.

Knowing about breakdowns, what they are and how to manage them, is absolutely necessary for one to stay committed to his recovery plan. Breakdowns are what brought an individual into treatment and eventually created the space for him to begin his recovery. Breakdowns also happen while a person is in treatment and will continue to take place after he leaves. Even after successfully completing a treatment program, breakdowns are almost certain to happen as one returns to the community from which he came. In fact, both the client and his counselor should expect breakdowns to occur after treatment. It is for this reason that knowledge of the structure of breakdowns and how to transform them is very important if not crucial for the individual wanting recovery.

What are breakdowns? Experientially breakdowns start to occur when an event or events happen that the individual believes should not happen or ought to happen differently than how they take place. As a result the individual starts to feel frustrated, angry, disappointed or even sad about what is happening in his life. Inside these types of emotions the person starts to become resentful, creating a story about the event and to which he will eventually begin to blame, be it other people, places, things, situations or circumstances for that which is appearing. A breakdown eventuates into a relapse when the individual believes that his experience is intolerable, feels inadequate with respect as to how to handle it and chooses to use drugs or alcohol to reduce the emotional component of that he is experiencing. In this case, a breakdown and ones inability to transform it leads directly to relapse.

Inside the work of transformational counseling, the process of enrollment will assist the individual in becoming authentic where he was being inauthentic and also allow that person to stay in his recovery. Enrollment is the third component of transformational counseling the utilization of which allows the individual to again move out of his self-limiting belief and back into being his created possibilities. When one begins to experience a breakdown he has gone back into being his self-limiting belief. Their will be the pretense of what is happening and that which is again hidden from him hence the created inauthenticity. The technology of the enrollment process allows the individual the ability to transform the experience by being authentic and as a result regaining his power and freedom through being his possibilities. Utilization of the process of enrollment as with transformation itself is a practice that requires a great deal of commitment. As with any skill the structure of enrollment is taught and it is in communication with the persons coach or even sponsor that its implementation is brought forth into the individual’s life.

The first component of enrollment has to do with recognizing when one is in a breakdown. The key to such awareness is to be found in how the individual is feeling about what is happening in his life at any one moment. There are many times in our lives where we do not stop to monitor or become present to how we are feeling. Sometimes we have a tendency to merely ignore or move away from how we are feeling about something or someone. Breakdowns have certain emotions attached to their design. Those most common are emotions such as fear, anxiety, anger, frustration and sadness. The first part of utilizing the enrollment process is to monitor ones feeling state, to become present to how one is feeling and to do so to the point that it becomes part of ones very way of being in the world. Learning how to stay aware of ones emotional state is crucial to being able to successfully transform the breakdown experience that is being created.

The second component has to do with becoming present to the story that the person is creating with respect to the breakdown. While the emotional state of the individual is very important to become aware of, listening to the story that he is creating is also equally of importance. Within a conversation of transformation, every emotion is created by a thought. When there are negative emotions present in a person’s life as he is experiencing a breakdown there are also corresponding thoughts taking place. The thoughts that are taking place will appear as a story in the person’s mind. Within a breakdown the story will be other oriented, involving external people, places, things, circumstance or situations. Within the structure of the story, inherent to it, will be the belief that the external events are the real or true cause of how the person is feeling. It is with these thoughts that the breakdown and inauthentic way of being exists, a pretense that it is about another, hiding what it is truly about. As mentioned above, blame and resentment will eventually result. Becoming present to the story is vital if one is not to impulsively act upon it and as a result bring its destructive consequences into existence with respect to his life. Becoming present or an observer to ones story is crucial to transforming a breakdown.

The third component involves becoming present to ones self-limiting belief, to the source, to that which actually created the breakdown. Becoming present to ones self limiting belief, to that which has determined ones life up until the process of transformation began to take place, is the first component in the process of transformational counseling. Even though the distinction of ones self-limiting belief will create the space for the person to begin to create his life anew, it does not go away, become fixed or get cured. The self-limiting belief, much like a virus that has appeared in the human body, continues to exist. As with any idea that we have or create about us, it is also a way of being. We be or exist by what we think and more specifically by what we think about ourselves. What we are familiar with is being our self-limiting belief in the world. It is familiar for us to think and feel that the world is more powerful and real than we are and furthermore, that it is something that must be controlled and even survived. We will eventually experience a breakdown given our sense of inadequacy with respect to the world as this is how we have been in the community in the past. However, once the self-limiting belief is again distinguished the inauthenticity begins to weaken or be dissolved.

The fourth component of enrollment involves creating a possibility inside the breakdown experience. This act of creation can be to invent a new possibility or enroll oneself back into a person’s previously chosen possibilities. Creating possibilities for ones life is the second component of transformational counseling. However, once we get it that we are being our self limiting belief, that the source of the breakdown is the self limiting belief and not that which the story tends convey, it is at that moment that we can generate a possibility to be at that moment, a possibility to stand inside given the breakdown experience. It is by generating a possibility by our spoken word that the experience itself will transform. The breakdown only happens because of who we are being. It is by causing a possibility to come into existence through our word that the inauthentic way of being completely dissolves and with it the breakdown itself. It is with the creation of a possibility that the person’s power and freedom are once again restored.

The final component of the enrollment technology is acknowledgement. Once the experience is transformed it is important for a person to get the victory that his possibility has made for himself and his life, to acknowledge the difference of such a victory. Acknowledgement is about getting how the created or invented possibility has transformed the breakdown from what it was to that which is truly a breakthrough for the individual, especially with respect to the event or experience occurring. Acknowledgement is about getting the power of our word for allowing us to transform breakdowns into breakthroughs, to once again become our possibilities. It is this acknowledgement that strengthens ones process of transformation leaving the person’s power, freedom and self-expression fully restored. Acknowledgement is about standing in ones possibility, celebrating ones power and freedom having given up being a victim.

The practice of enrollment will make a difference for the person wanting recovery. Applying the technology of enrollment will enable the person to transform a breakdown when it happens and as a result avoid the destructive and possibly even lethal consequences that would have happened as a result of staying in a breakdown. For the individual in recovery, staying in a breakdown only increases the chances that he will turn to drugs and/or alcohol to reduce the emotional component of a breakdown. Staying in a breakdown as opposed to being able to transform tends to lead to relapse. Clients at the Holistic Addiction Treatment Program in North Miami Beach, Florida are taught to distinguish their self-limiting belief, create new possibilities for their life and furthermore, how to utilize the power of enrollment technology. The success of utilizing enrollment and even recovery itself, especially in the early stages of sobriety, will necessitate the person staying in contact with his sponsor or counselor especially when breakdowns happen. It is only in communication with another that the individual will continue to be his possibilities in life.

Dr. Henshaw earned his doctoral degree in Human Development and Counseling from Boston University and has designed and implemented mental health and substance abuse programs in outpatient, residential and hospital settings in Illinois, Massachusetts and Florida.

Dr. Henshaw is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in the State of Florida, a certified Clinical Supervisor and a member of the American Counseling Association & American Psychological Association. Trained in neuro-linguistic programming, Dr. Henshaw is also certified to practice and teach hypnosis in the State of Florida.

Dr. Harry Henshaw is also in private practice in Hallandale Beach, Florida and utilizes the technology of Transformational Counseling. In addition to his work as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Supervisor, Dr. Henshaw has developed a series of audio helath care products for use by professional providers and the public, http://www.enhancedhealing.com

Posted on Aug 10th, 2006

I’m sure you have heard of IBS, irritable bowel syndrome, a painful and difficult-to-treat digestive disease.

Well, there is another disease that is also painful and difficult to treat. I call it GBS - Get By Syndrome.

GBS is characterized by the tendency to sell yourself and others short, to believe that minimal effort is "good enough." Just doing "good enough" is a habit that is easy to acquire and difficult to break.

The problem is that "good enough" never is.

In business, if you do less than is expected, customers will talk about you in negative ways. If you just do what is expected - good enough - no one is likely to say anything about you at all. If you do more that what is expected, people will rave about you.

We can develop GBS in our homes and relationships as well. Many people get up in the morning, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed, get up the next day, and just as it says on the shampoo bottle, rinse and repeat the same thing as the day before.

At the end of the day spent living by the Get By Syndrome, you don’t settle easy, because the day has not been good enough. At the end of a life lived by GBS, you’ll have lots of regrets.

The solution is to raise the bar of expectations of yourself in your own life.

Doing just a little bit more than the next guy in business, finding some creative ways to say I love you at home, can change your days and your life. And the good news is that it really is not a difficult habit to develop.

Just one more repetition when you are working out, one more minute spent playing with your kids, one more phone call to take care of a customer - that’s all it takes to make a significant difference.

Here’s my challenge to you to beat Get By Syndrome: For one week, do just a little bit extra at home and at work. Pay attention to two things: how you feel differently and the response of those around you

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Posted on Aug 9th, 2006

Think back a few years to the nine coal miners trapped in a Pennsylvania mine and their rescuers.

Do you remember that story?

I thought the miners were goners.

They were trapped in a 4-foot-high cave. It was dark, wet and cold, 250 feet underground - almost the length of a football field - for more than three days.

Now, that’s stress.

But, they did get out.

4 Lessons We Can Learn

1. Seek solutions, not blame

Apparently one guy was responsible for accidentally breaking through the barrier between the miners and an old abandoned mine, causing the mine they were in to flood, trapping them.

The rescuers did not focus on blaming this man.

Instead, some miners further risked their lives to rescue him, because he was separated from the other eight. The group made a plan for how to survive until they were rescued.

It’s almost a cultural mandate in our litigious society to find someone to blame - as if blame is a solution.

2. Work together

The trapped miners used a rope to connect one to another so they would remain together, in life or death. When one got cold, the others would huddle around him to provide warmth. When one began to panic, the others calmed him down.

3. Focus your attention

It’s amazing how focused you can become when you need/choose to, especially if your life is at risk.

The miners focused on staying alive until they were rescued. The rescuers focused on getting them out.

Imagine what we could accomplish if we brought that level of focus to our daily lives. To our families, our jobs?

4. Live on hope and faith

Living on hope and faith requires the guts to look past present circumstances, regardless of how hopeless they may seem. Stay focused on your goal. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we have not yet seen.

Faith and hope might seem like squishy concepts, but they were certainly real for those nine miners and their rescuers.

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